Zombie gardener image courtesy of Shutterstock
As near as I can tell, the gardening industry has overlooked avast area of marketing thathas the potential tostart a gardening revolution among young folk andthus growa new generation of gardeners in this country. Following in the footsteps of a current wildly successful television series, The Walking Dead, and alongside the frantic marketing spin offssuch as the Airsoft semiautomaticplinker pictured hereProfessor Roush thinks that some creative gardener needs to spin off some zombie-related gardening programs and paraphernalia to enrich our gardening experiences. Clearly, that should be me, so thatI could make a zombie-related fortune and hire other people to do my digging, but it could also be you. Just cut me in for some of the profit from the idea, okay?
If you do a simple Google search on the words zombie and gardening, you get some nice links to a zombiefied garden gnome named Gnombie ($224.99), and a resin zombie garden sculpture that resembles a corpse crawling out of the groundfrom thinkgeek.com ($69.99). You alsoare referred toseveral links that will enlighten you on kitchen scraps that will regrow in your vegetable garden (celery, avocados and pineapples. among others). All-in-all, I suppose those are all nice products and suggestions, but theyre just scratching the surface of what Im proposing.
Im thinki ng of a line of Zombie Pesticides, with nice green fluorescent labels, that willparalyze Japanese beetles so they dont squirm when you pick them up and squish them, or aZombie Insect Spraythat willcause your hornworms to blunder blindly about your tomato plantswithout damaging them. Im thinking about a group of specialized gardening implements, for instance a ZombieRepelling Hoe with a spike opposite the hoe blade so that it can be used for defense if youre attacked in the garden by zombies (or by city administrators, oftendifficult to distinguish fromzombies, whodemand that you rip up your front vegetable garden). Ienvisiona Zombie Compost Fork with an ergonomichandledesigned todecrease arm fatiguewhether you aretossing compost or zombies. I myself wouldsurely purchasea Zombie Water Cannon with a sensor primed to shoot when large movingbodies such as zombiedeer cross the path (I think thisproduct may already exist, but it is missing theadded zombie marketing power.)
We need a garden prophet creating videos and pamphlets about plants that will fortify your grounds against zombie invasions (a nice hedge of Rosa eglanteriamight suffice), or plants that will recover quicklyfrom trampling damage caused by hordes of aimlessly rambling zombies (they would also be useful for gardens frequented by neighborhood children). We need a writer proposing designs for garden roomswhere we could escape andhide from zombies (or nongardening spouses). We need Scotts to quit poisoning the environment and fund the breeding of a Zombie Grass that would stay neat and green without mowing or watering.
I suppose the latter suggestion is a little too fantastic to hope for, but any or all of the othersshould take the gardening world by storm and bring afew of the television-addled zombies out there back into thegarden. Ifsomeeditorout there wants toput togethera Zombie Garden Manual, count me in for a chapter on roses. Is anyone out thereinterested in a very dark red, extremely thorny rose called Zombie Lover?Even better, itcouldbe alternatelymarketed asZombie Knockout. That will, based on my previous experience, reallydraw in the zombie gardening multitudes.
Via: Zombies ate my gardench-ching!
